I can text with my tongue
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She bit a glass in half.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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