i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
