I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I wear drunk well.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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