omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
