ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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