we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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