I think im going to throw up on grandma
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize