On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
