just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
