My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We are two peas in an std pod
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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