woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
