I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
