My friends, they love my intelligence
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
