just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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