Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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