yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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