I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
