Your face is a jimmy john
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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