tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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