Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Randomize
