I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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