I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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