I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
