I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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