Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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