I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
