someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
