Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
