he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
