If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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