yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
