they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
