This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
