If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
this hospital has no fireball
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Pants are for mortals
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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