I hate all girls vehemently.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
