cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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