we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
