i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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