How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
