she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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