he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
