im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize