you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
