You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
