My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
