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• (614): View more from Ohio

  you really are a gigantic fucking slut.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?

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• (518): View more from New York

  i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze

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• (239): View more from Florida

  Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.

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• (315): View more from New York

  Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?

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• (831): View more from California

  Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?

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