can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
