o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
