I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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