the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
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