I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
