It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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