How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
