Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I didn't notice because vodka
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
