At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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