When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
