I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
