i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
