I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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