When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
