My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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