Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
