The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
