Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Alive.
So much puke
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
