So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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