Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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