Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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