There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
