Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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