i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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