i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
