i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
