I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
