i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
