i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i believe in u and ur pee
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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