He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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