After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
