Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
