Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
